My Only Complaints About Interstellar

It’s been out for a while, but there are still two things that bug me about Interstellar.

And no, neither of them is the science of it.  I’m not expert in theories of time travel, interstellar travel, worm holes, quantum mechanics, etc.  I’m not even very interested in such things.  I know that some people explain the science of Interstellar isn’t good, but I don’t care.  My two concerns are more from a story and character perspective.

No, my complaints are not related to the over-use of Dylan Thomas.
No, my complaints are not related to the over-use of Dylan Thomas.

That’s Some Bizarre Parenting

I am not a parent, so I cannot say that I am 100% correct on this, but something did strike me very strange in Interstellar.  When McConaughey is trying to reassure his daughter about his trip into the stars, he says something along the lines of “by the time I return, we might be the same age.”  This is bizarre on so many levels.  First of all, is he really telling her “it’s okay, because I’m only going to be gone for a couple decades.”  And he’s also telling her, “don’t worry, this is going to mess up all the laws of space and time so intensely, that I’m no longer going to be older than you.” Continue reading “My Only Complaints About Interstellar”

Advertisements

More Bruce Wayne than Batman in The Dark Knight Rises?

If you haven’t seen The Dark Knight Rises teaser trailer yet, then here you go:

Basically, it’s an okay teaser trailer that at first seems fan-made.  Qui-Gon Jinn is narrating, and we get clips from Batman Begins, not of Batman, but of Bruce Wayne.  Then we get Commissioner Gordon on a hospital bed.

Continue reading “More Bruce Wayne than Batman in The Dark Knight Rises?”

Regarding The Dark Knight Rises

I may be going against the previous established theme of this blog by discussing a Christian Bale project that is actually happening, but it seems necessary to comment on the flurry of rumors regarding Joseph Gordon-Levitt potentially playing Alberto Falcone in The Dark Knight Rises.

This guy.This guy.  As a guy you haven’t heard of (pictured below)

For anyone who has either not read any Batman graphic novels penned by Jeph Loeb, or who has not paid attention to what the internet has been saying about Batman recently, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (the guy from 10 Things I Hate about You, Third Rock from the Sun, 500 Days of Summer, and some other things that don’t have numbers in the name) may or may not be playing “the good son” of Carmine Falcone, the mob boss driven insane by Scarecrow’s poison gas in Batman Begins.  As “the good son” of a mob boss, that naturally means that Falcone, as penned by Loeb, went to Harvard, is a mixture of Fredo and Michael Corleone, is a Rhodes scholar, and is also a serial killer. Continue reading “Regarding The Dark Knight Rises”

Mr. Potter

The fact that Spiderman is currently being rebooted proves that it is never too soon to start a franchise over from scratch. One might point out that Spiderman‘s reboot (the new trilogy’s first film with a release date that comes only five years after the end of the last trilogy) is nothing new for comic book films: the Batman franchise was re-invented with only eight years between Batman and Robin and Batman Begins, and Edward Norton as The Incredible Hulk came only fives years after Eric Bana as Hulk.

The main distinction is that the new Spiderman trilogy is following on the heels of a financially successful and critically well-received trilogy, rather than the complete disasters of Batman, Robin, and Hulk. Now, I could make the obvious point that Bale should be the one cast as Spiderman, but let’s be realistic: audiences probably wouldn’t be able to handle the concept that Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne look that much alike, even if Bale did a really good Brooklyn accent for Parker (which he obviously would).

Instead, we have to acknowledge the beauty of this situation. It has opened the floodgates for any franchise getting rebooted at any moment. And there is one franchise that no one has even imagined re-imagining yet: Harry Potter.

The first thing that has to go is the character of Harry.


The film will be entitled Mr. Potter, and Bale will portray the titular character, the father of minor character Harry Potter. Similar to the original Harry Potter books and films, the catalyst for all the action will be when mob hit man Val Mortenson (portrayed by Jon Hamm) arrives at the Potter home, with intentions to murder them. He quickly eliminates Mrs. Potter and Harry, their infant, but does not fare so well against Liam Potter. Potter and Mortenson fight to the death, which ends when Potter strangles Mortenson. Unfortunately, Potter’s house burns down around him–only through the swift arrival of the authorities does he survive the fire.

Upon emerging from a coma several weeks later, Potter learns several things. 1) He has been taken in by his father-in-law, Dursley. 2) Mortenson’s body was never found after the fire, and 3) Potter has gained some strange powers in his sleep.He soon learns, with the help of Dursley and a homeless, elephantiasis-stricken man named Hagrid, that Mortenson is just one pawn in a conspiracy of Satan-worshipers who call themselves The Ministry. The Ministry has already infiltrated the police, the media, and the all levels of the government. Potter soon realizes that he is the only chance there is against this vast network of evil–and that only by harnessing Satan’s powers for himself does he stand a chance against the Ministry.

It almost goes without saying that Michael Caine would portray the benevolent Dursley, and a heavily-costumed Oliver Platt would be Hagrid.