My Only Complaints About Interstellar

It’s been out for a while, but there are still two things that bug me about Interstellar.

And no, neither of them is the science of it.  I’m not expert in theories of time travel, interstellar travel, worm holes, quantum mechanics, etc.  I’m not even very interested in such things.  I know that some people explain the science of Interstellar isn’t good, but I don’t care.  My two concerns are more from a story and character perspective.

No, my complaints are not related to the over-use of Dylan Thomas.
No, my complaints are not related to the over-use of Dylan Thomas.

That’s Some Bizarre Parenting

I am not a parent, so I cannot say that I am 100% correct on this, but something did strike me very strange in Interstellar.  When McConaughey is trying to reassure his daughter about his trip into the stars, he says something along the lines of “by the time I return, we might be the same age.”  This is bizarre on so many levels.  First of all, is he really telling her “it’s okay, because I’m only going to be gone for a couple decades.”  And he’s also telling her, “don’t worry, this is going to mess up all the laws of space and time so intensely, that I’m no longer going to be older than you.” Continue reading “My Only Complaints About Interstellar”

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Why Catwoman Will Be Sarah Palin

Now that The Dark Knight Rises poster is out and the teaser trailer has been released, it’s a great time to be talking about Batman.

There is something you have to accept: Christian Bale’s Batman is an allegory for George W. Bush.  Google it.  Or, I can save you the time by suggesting you read analysis of it at a million different blogs and websites, including Foreign PolicyThe Wall Street Journal , Cracked.com,  and so on.  The genius of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films is proven throughout these various analyses by the fact that while people agree that The Dark Knight is about George W. Bush, they disagree about whether The Dark Knight is meant to be an indictment of the Bush years, or praise of Bush’s tactics.

Continue reading “Why Catwoman Will Be Sarah Palin”

Why Bale Should Have a Twitter Account

Twitter is sometimes amusing.  This might be the best you can say for it.  It’s rarely informative, regularly frustrating, and the “trending topics” reveal its ability to be a cesspool for intolerance, ignorance, and misinformation.

However, as I said, it’s amusing.  Entertaining.  Especially when you “follow” the right people.  Yes, you have to be certain that you follow a “verified account” when following a celebrity, and yes, most of them have nothing interesting to say. But some of them do have things to say… and what they have to say is completely bonkers.

Now, I realize that there is almost no chance that Christian Bale will ever get a twitter account – the man loves his privacy and rarely even does interviews.  And when he does, he says things like “The interesting thing about a movie is the movie.” Continue reading “Why Bale Should Have a Twitter Account”

Mr. Potter

The fact that Spiderman is currently being rebooted proves that it is never too soon to start a franchise over from scratch. One might point out that Spiderman‘s reboot (the new trilogy’s first film with a release date that comes only five years after the end of the last trilogy) is nothing new for comic book films: the Batman franchise was re-invented with only eight years between Batman and Robin and Batman Begins, and Edward Norton as The Incredible Hulk came only fives years after Eric Bana as Hulk.

The main distinction is that the new Spiderman trilogy is following on the heels of a financially successful and critically well-received trilogy, rather than the complete disasters of Batman, Robin, and Hulk. Now, I could make the obvious point that Bale should be the one cast as Spiderman, but let’s be realistic: audiences probably wouldn’t be able to handle the concept that Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne look that much alike, even if Bale did a really good Brooklyn accent for Parker (which he obviously would).

Instead, we have to acknowledge the beauty of this situation. It has opened the floodgates for any franchise getting rebooted at any moment. And there is one franchise that no one has even imagined re-imagining yet: Harry Potter.

The first thing that has to go is the character of Harry.


The film will be entitled Mr. Potter, and Bale will portray the titular character, the father of minor character Harry Potter. Similar to the original Harry Potter books and films, the catalyst for all the action will be when mob hit man Val Mortenson (portrayed by Jon Hamm) arrives at the Potter home, with intentions to murder them. He quickly eliminates Mrs. Potter and Harry, their infant, but does not fare so well against Liam Potter. Potter and Mortenson fight to the death, which ends when Potter strangles Mortenson. Unfortunately, Potter’s house burns down around him–only through the swift arrival of the authorities does he survive the fire.

Upon emerging from a coma several weeks later, Potter learns several things. 1) He has been taken in by his father-in-law, Dursley. 2) Mortenson’s body was never found after the fire, and 3) Potter has gained some strange powers in his sleep.He soon learns, with the help of Dursley and a homeless, elephantiasis-stricken man named Hagrid, that Mortenson is just one pawn in a conspiracy of Satan-worshipers who call themselves The Ministry. The Ministry has already infiltrated the police, the media, and the all levels of the government. Potter soon realizes that he is the only chance there is against this vast network of evil–and that only by harnessing Satan’s powers for himself does he stand a chance against the Ministry.

It almost goes without saying that Michael Caine would portray the benevolent Dursley, and a heavily-costumed Oliver Platt would be Hagrid.

Christmas theme: Remake of "It’s a Wonderful Life."

Bale as George Bailey. When he tells the the angel that he wishes he were never born and comes back to see the town as a cesspool, he is too short sighted to unmake that wish, and instead, through fists of guile, begins the long road to clean the town up. Sadly, several years later when the task of clean-up is complete, he realizes he had a family in a former reality, and is unable to find the angel for any help.

Michael Caine is the ambivalent, drunk angel.

Thank you to Seth Rogers for this one, via the facebook page.