The fact that Spiderman is currently being rebooted proves that it is never too soon to start a franchise over from scratch. One might point out that Spiderman‘s reboot (the new trilogy’s first film with a release date that comes only five years after the end of the last trilogy) is nothing new for comic book films: the Batman franchise was re-invented with only eight years between Batman and Robin and Batman Begins, and Edward Norton as The Incredible Hulk came only fives years after Eric Bana as Hulk.
The main distinction is that the new Spiderman trilogy is following on the heels of a financially successful and critically well-received trilogy, rather than the complete disasters of Batman, Robin, and Hulk. Now, I could make the obvious point that Bale should be the one cast as Spiderman, but let’s be realistic: audiences probably wouldn’t be able to handle the concept that Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne look that much alike, even if Bale did a really good Brooklyn accent for Parker (which he obviously would).
Instead, we have to acknowledge the beauty of this situation. It has opened the floodgates for any franchise getting rebooted at any moment. And there is one franchise that no one has even imagined re-imagining yet: Harry Potter.
The first thing that has to go is the character of Harry.
The film will be entitled Mr. Potter, and Bale will portray the titular character, the father of minor character Harry Potter. Similar to the original Harry Potter books and films, the catalyst for all the action will be when mob hit man Val Mortenson (portrayed by Jon Hamm) arrives at the Potter home, with intentions to murder them. He quickly eliminates Mrs. Potter and Harry, their infant, but does not fare so well against Liam Potter. Potter and Mortenson fight to the death, which ends when Potter strangles Mortenson. Unfortunately, Potter’s house burns down around him–only through the swift arrival of the authorities does he survive the fire.
Upon emerging from a coma several weeks later, Potter learns several things. 1) He has been taken in by his father-in-law, Dursley. 2) Mortenson’s body was never found after the fire, and 3) Potter has gained some strange powers in his sleep.He soon learns, with the help of Dursley and a homeless, elephantiasis-stricken man named Hagrid, that Mortenson is just one pawn in a conspiracy of Satan-worshipers who call themselves The Ministry. The Ministry has already infiltrated the police, the media, and the all levels of the government. Potter soon realizes that he is the only chance there is against this vast network of evil–and that only by harnessing Satan’s powers for himself does he stand a chance against the Ministry.
It almost goes without saying that Michael Caine would portray the benevolent Dursley, and a heavily-costumed Oliver Platt would be Hagrid.
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