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What Would Bale Do

An ongoing exploration of the dark and gritty reboot

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20Aug 202223 Oct 2023
9 Comments

An Investigation into Halloween’s Satanic Origins

Diving Deeper into Halloween, Satan, and the Allegations Made in Nathan Fielder’s The Rehearsal Let’s start with one thing: I…

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16Oct 202131 Aug 2023
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Every Large Adult Son on Succession, Ranked

Who is Succession’s Number One Boy? (My Version of Those “Every Succession Character, Ranked” Articles) This is my guide to…

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22Feb 201920 Sep 2024
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Gregg Turkington, Tim Heidecker, Ant-Man & Metafiction

Or: Is the MCU a Meta Narrative Within the On Cinema at the Cinema Universe? Note: this article has been…

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Fan Theories…

Roland Barthes Would Say Kermit the Frog Did 9/11

11 Sep 202411 Sep 2024
I like fan theories. I’ve liked them for a long time. But I think it's crucial for any fan theorist to embrace the ideas put forth by Roland Barthes in…
Corrective Sequels…

The Reboot is Dead. Long Live the Multiboot.

4 Jul 20235 Jul 2023
For a few years now, I’ve wondered what would come after the dark and gritty reboot. I wondered if it would be the light and funny reboot. More franchises rebooting…
Bale…

Questions People Also Ask About Christian Bale

7 May 202318 Sep 2023
As noted previously, this blog is not about Christian Bale anymore. But yes, this blog post is about Christian Bale. Sorta. I am currently having a contest with the machines.…
A Game of Thrones…

Every Westerosi Wedding, Ranked by Dothraki Standards

5 Mar 202326 Aug 2023
"A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair." This is one of those articles where I thought of the name of it first, and then…
American Psycho…

Stop Saying the Book is Better Than the Movie

20 Sep 202222 Aug 2023
(Except for when The Book is Better.) One of the cheapest, easiest opinions a person can have is the broad statement “the book is always better than the movie” or,…
Bale…

Why This Blog Isn’t About Christian Bale Anymore

16 Sep 20221 Nov 2022
I do not talk about myself on this website very often. I like using this website as a place to write about movies and, occasionally, promote things I’ve written that…
Fan Theories…

What is a Real Estate Novelist? Analyzing Billy Joel’s Piano Man

10 Apr 202216 Nov 2023
Hey Billy. What is a "real estate novelist"? and do you know what a novel is? I don’t remember the first time I heard Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.” I don’t…
Corrective Sequels…

Understanding Sequels Through the Lens of Halloween

28 Oct 202129 Oct 2024
Updated in 2022 because there are even more sequels now. There are so many things a sequel can be these days. Reboot and requel are common descriptions accompanying many latest…
007…

James Bond, Fan Theories, and the Fragile Online Fan

26 Sep 202126 Sep 2023
I’ve lost track of three things: how many times I’ve seen Skyfall, how many times I’ve seen someone reference my James Bond fan theory on the internet, and how many…
Bale…

What Would Vonnegut Say About Cryptocurrency?

20 Feb 202121 Feb 2021
Or: God Bless You, Mr. Musk This is a question I keep asking myself: what would Kurt Vonnegut think of Bitcoin? Would he prefer Ethereum? Would he see the humor…

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