It does not matter how much we hate the idea, how much we deny it or try to wish it away: Baz Luhrmann is making a 3D version of The Great Gatsby. This idea is easily the worst thing to happen to literature on the big screen since Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. The absolutely worst thing to ever happen to books is definitely The Overton Window, but this does come close.
The reason I had not written about this before was that I hadn’t realized it was relevant, and I was trying to deny the whole thing. Then I realized that a year ago, on this blog, I suggested that Bale should make The Greater Gatsby. Of course, I have suggested lots of things on here. What makes this significant is that I suggested DiCaprio play Gatsby’s bastard son, while Luhrmann is going for the less original approach, and just having DiCaprio play Gatsby.
The fact is, there is no good reason to make another Great Gatsby movie. You are doomed if you try to adapt the original novel to the big screen (recall that I suggested a sequel, not a remake). It will either be a) boring, because it is faithful to the original and everyone already knows that story, or b) terrible, because it won’t be faithful to the original, and everyone loves that story and why would you try to improve it? Regardless of what you do, people will be mad.
However, I do think I have a solution. Luhrmann needs to forget about DiCaprio and replace him with Andre 3000, changing the setting to the Harlem Renaissance, and making it a musical. Nick Canon can portray the narrator Nick Carraway, with Rihanna as Jordan Baker, Beyonce as Daisy, and either Michael Clarke Duncan or Idris Elba (Stringer Bell) as Tom Buchanan.
Of course, all this leaves one question: where is Bale in all of this? He can be the mechanic. His wife is Amy Adams, with whom Tom Buchanan is having an affair. The only consolation for Andre 3000 getting gunned down at the end is that it’s Bale who is doing the killing.