How Has This Not Happened Yet: Natalie Portman in a Sequel to The Professional

This is another guest post, the second in the new guest author series. This post is authored by Russ Ball, a haiku writer and film fan.

Okay, film fans. There’s something we need to talk about: the universe owes us a debt.

There are things that are simply supposed to happen.  When you place bread in a toaster, you expect toast.  When Natalie Portman establishes herself as an A-list celebrity and Hollywood finally starts making movies with strong female protagonists, we are supposed to get a sequel to Leon: the Professional.

Great poster, great film,
Great poster, great film,

I know you’ve seen The Professional (as it was released in the United States). But allow me to refresh your memory anyway:

Natalie Portman made her feature film debut in 1994 as “Mathilda” a 12 year old girl who befriends a lonely hitman (Jean Reno, aka the really cool French guy from Mission Impossible and Ronin) after the death of her family at the hands of a corrupt DEA agent (Gary Oldman, aka Commissioner Sirius Gordon-Black).  The movie saw a few different releases, as some of the vibes between Portman and Reno were deemed too ‘Lolita-ish’ for middle America.  The film is fantastic.  Go watch it (again).  Right now.  I’ll wait.  Here’s the trailer:

The rest of this depends on you knowing the movie, so seriously go watch it.

Back?  Yeah, it’s great, right?  So here’s what needs to happen.  

Natalie Portman returns in Mathilda: The Professional II.

Hear me out.

Mathilda, having been orphaned first by her sleazy parents and again by her adopted killer father figure grows up to be an assassin too. Because obviously.  Consider that part montage-d, probably during the opening credits.

It's not like the idea of her playing an assassin is a stretch.
It’s not like the idea of her playing an assassin is a stretch.

Now, she’s blown through Leon’s cash, having traveled the world as a mercenary of sorts.  Her traumatic childhood made it difficult to settle down.  She’s beholden (as a #1 badass hitwoman) to the same mob that controlled Leon – a mob now headed by Mafioso Tony’s son – let’s call him James. He’s gonna inevitably be played by Gioavanni Ribsi, so actually let’s just call him Ribsi.

This guy is just really good at playing bad guys. But other people who could play this role include Casey Affleck, David Schwimmer, etc.
This guy is just really good at playing bad guys. But other people who could play this role include Casey Affleck, David Schwimmer, etc.

At a mob gathering where she’s been hired to provide security, she meets Tommy, the 8 year old autistic nephew of Bad Guy Ribsi.  Tommy has an uncanny ability to recite any conversation he’s ever heard.

Do you see where this is going yet?

  • Mafia party gets raided by DEA (including head DEA Agent Willem Defeo)
  • Firefight breaks out – Tommy’s father & mother get killed.
  • Mathilda saves little Tommy,

Turns out he’s heard some interesting conversations about Uncle Giovanni Ribsi, regarding some backroom deals with a corrupt DEA agent.

Ribsi, in an effort to get into politics, has staged the raid to cut ties with anyone who could smudge his reputation (like Matilda). He’s made a deal with the DEA to lock down the drug trade, giving Agent McCorruption (Willem Defoe, really) some of the action.

Tommy doesn’t understand what he has heard, but can recite it all.  

Also, he’s a hacker. 

Mathilda and Tommy find themselves on the run from the bad guys.

Mathilda, remembering all too well her times with Leon, decides to help Tommy avenge his parents.

There would be a scene identical to this.
There would be a scene identical to this.

HOW HAS THIS NOT BEEN A MOVIE YET??!?

Things to consider:

  • Since Jurassic Park, everyone has enjoyed hacker kids saving the day. Maybe an Edward Snowden cameo?
  • Natalie Portman.
  • Many gun battles
  • Visiting Leon’s grave.  Sad part. 
  • Also, if you don’t recall, she planted a tree at the end of the original film. They go visit that tree too. Second sad part. (Edit: it’s actually a houseplant. Okay, so maybe the houseplant is still in the ground and they visit it?)
  • Also, Tommy’s eight – and eight year olds are funny.
  • Lots of ‘lets uncover the awesome stash of guns’ bits, where the eight year old pulls out a heavy one and almost drops it.  You’ll laugh.
  • Could be an on-the-run exotic travel movie.  Let’s say Capri because I want to go there.
  • Maybe when they go to visit the tree (or houseplant) from the first movie, that’s where one of the shoot-outs is.
  • So many feels – revenge, loss, bonding, Natalie Portman.
  • This simply must happen.  Natalie, this part was the part you were born for.  
  • It ends with Natalie dying, and in a few decades we can get the third installment in the trilogy.

Universe, we’re waiting.

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10 thoughts on “How Has This Not Happened Yet: Natalie Portman in a Sequel to The Professional

  1. annie

    Leon The Professional is still one film on my own personal top ten list of movie’s ever made. It most definitely needs a sequel to see what kind of women Matilda grew up to become. I would love to see what Natalie Portman would do with HER character. I also am disappointed Commissioner Sirius Gordon-Black would not be able to share his character in a sequel, because Gary Oldman was simply fantastic. Hey Hollywood, you like to make money, what’s been taking so long?

  2. Atiya

    I have been thinking about this for years, but I was taking it in the lines of Matilda not blowing the money Leon left her but taken from her and kept by Tony. After she tries to getc what is rightfully hers, and Tony sending killers and ditry cops after her to get rid of her, she comes back with a vengeance.

    I need a part I I, is a must!! It is a neeeeeed!!!!

  3. sebastian

    If this comes to be the sequel some day I WOULD KILL MYSELF. It’s stupid, full of cliches and TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY retarded. No wonder why all sequels suck… obviously thanks to non creative lovers of trash scenes and dumb explosions… keep your microscopic imagination for yourself please! there are at least 1 000 000 original possible stories for the sequel and you chose some sort of fast and furious trash for a classic and masterpiece? REALLY? And you consider a fan? hahahah you must be fan of fast and furious, maybe a fan of the expendables? am I right? DONT EVER POST SOMETHING SO IDIOT AGAIN PLEASEEEE

  4. Alex

    If this comes to be the sequel some day I WOULD KILL MYSELF on top of sebastian1’s grave. I’m afraid the subtly to sebastian’s writing might be lost on you, but this is TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY retarded. Like, the dude from Flowers for Algernon or even sebastian1 would understand that this sequel sucks. No wonder why all sequels suck.

    sebastian1’s equanimity in the face of such a microscopic imagination makes me think he can’t consider a fan. A real fan would know there are at least 2 000 000 original possible stories, DFLovett. Hahahah he must like the expendables just like you. am I right? THIS MAKES ME SO MAD! sebastian1, your understated rhetorical flourishes (threatening to kill yourself, less than a quarter of the post is in caps, etc.) are lost on someone who would post something so idiot. DON’T EVER EVER POST SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN, or else sebastian1 and I will have to erect an enormous cenotaph for all of the suicides your stupid sequel causes.

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