Six Months of Search Terms: Wolverine, His Beard, and The Strange Searches That Lead People Here

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post called The Maramduke Fart Paradox, in which I discussed the strange search engine terms that lead people to this website. Among them was “keanu reeves girlfriend 2011,” “mob bosses with sunglasses,” and a wide variety of questions about the ’90s film Blank Check.

Well, the search terms have never stopped being strange. Here are some of the more interesting ones that have lead people to this site.  Presumably some of them left satisfied, some left immediately, and others left far more confused than they were before they visited.

I’ve also decided to do this in the form of a top ten list, because everyone likes top ten lists. But with 14 because I couldn’t narrow it down to 10.

14. skyfall proof that james bond isnt a codename

Whoever ended up here was certainly disappointed, as I consider Skyfall to be proof that James is definitely a codename. Other 007-specific search terms include james bond is a codename, james bond fight, james bond theory, and is james bonds codename 007? (The answer to the last one is undebatebly yes.)

13. matthew mcconaughey as jake in the sun also rises

Wow.  That’s a really cool idea. Not sure if it would work, but yeah, cool idea.

The lone star also rises.
The lone star also rises.

12. fart & furious five tone

I’m assuming that when they said fart, they meant fast.  Aside from that, not sure.

11. khaleesi is coming to westeros

Sure hope she makes it eventually! Also, I enjoy how this question suggests that somewhere out there, there’s a song “Khaleesi is coming to Westeros” to the tune of “Santa Claus is coming to town.”

We know that she's planning on it... but she's really taking her time.
We know that she’s planning on it… but she’s really taking her time.

10. was mance raydor burned in the books

Yes.  Well, actually, no.  Maybe. No. Either way, I’ve gotten a ton of traffic based on people trying to figure out if Mr. Rayder is still alive or not.

Poor guy.
Poor guy.

9. ser barristan selmy kills daenerys

Sigh. Maybe in the books, guys. Maybe in the books.

8. made fun of for liking superheroes

I wrote an entire blog post about this surprising search term. Easily the most serious thing I’ve written on here.

7. will vin diesel be the next james bond

This makes me so happy. Yes. The answer is yes.

6. wire why did onar and bowtie killer stringer bell

Is that a serious question? Also, how good is simply referring to Brother Mouzone as “bowtie.”

Oh, indeed. Equality comin'.
Oh, indeed. Equality comin’.

5. paul woodrugh true detective gay

Yeah, definitely seems like the story is headed in that direction, huh?

4. christian bale fanfiction

Sorry guys. Not here.

3. hemingway on dishonest storytelling

This is a funny one, because it brings to light my somewhat contradictory opinions regarding storytelling. I praise Game of Thrones and The Sun Also Rises for their subtlety in storytelling, for their choices in leaving certain things unseen and unsaid. Yet I bash House of Cards and other shows for similar practices. I think it means I need to write a post clarifying, for once and for all, what exactly my opinions are regarding honesty, unreliable narrators, and how stories should be told.

Say what you want about Hemingway... but that shirt holds its own.
Say what you want about Hemingway… but that shirt holds its own.

2. wolverine beard hugh jackman

This baffles me. I have mentioned Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine beard once, in this paragraph describing the 2013 Wolverine movie: “Hugh Jackman begins the film as a bearded altruistic homeless superhero who has dreams-within-dreams, up until mysterious circumstances and flashbacks whisk him away to Asia, where he gets in fights and sort of solves a mystery.  The entire thing seems to be suggesting that, if you wish 2013 had a Batman movie, you might be more satisfied by this gritty semi-immortal Ubermensch than by Superman.”

Yet I have gotten an incredible amount of views from people trying to look up what Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine looks like, including “wolverine hairstyle 2014” and “wolverine beard face.”

What really concerns me is that people are trying to replicate this insane look.
What really concerns me is that people are trying to replicate this insane look.

1. sand snakes suck

This has been, by far, the most popular search term to lead people to this blog in the year 2015. Which is kinda too bad, because it’s a very negative sentiment, and I generally seek to have a positive stance on things here. But it is what it is. I’m not a fan of the Sand Snakes in Season Five of Game of Thrones, or of them in the books either. And I suppose that other people who feel that way need blogs to visit. So this has become one of those blogs.

And finally. As always:

bruce wayne batman (and all its varieties)


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